365 Days

Lumelang kaofela!

Well here we are, today marks one year in Lesotho! One year of learning, laughing, struggling, missing, meeting. I am so excited that I’ve made it this far and that I have so much support from back home. I couldn’t do any of this without my family who supports me in hundreds of ways every day, and my friends back home who haven’t forgotten about me yet (thanks guys please keep it up, thanks).

During training, we were given these “mental health” charts that us volunteers call “the squiggle.” It’s basically a squiggly line graph- type chart which shows the typical mental health journey of an average volunteer. It starts off pretty high during PST (pre-service training), then dips down around three month mark—when we arrive at site. It starts leveling out around the 6 month mark and then is pretty stable until a year when it dips down into what’s called the “mid-service crisis.” Then it continues to stabilize again for the last eight months of service until COS (Close of service) where, of course, there’s a notable dip. When I first started service, I was like, wow. This is so accurate, I have been really feeling down at site during the exact time it says I should! Then after a while, I realized that every single minute of every single day is a squiggle, has infinite ups and downs. If there’s one thing I can say for sure about my Peace Corps experience the past year, it’s that it has been SO Squiggly. I tend to write a lot about the positive things on this blog, the cultural exchange, the insane amount of love I receive from my community, the trips, the new exciting things I’ve tried. But I don’t write a lot about the negatives like the harassment I face, the planning of events just to have nobody show up, the boredom, the longing for home I sometimes feel. But looking on the bright side, focusing on the positives, and not being too hard on myself when things go wrong have been so important for my happiness here. So in light of this, I am going to break down my 365 days in country to (3) things I miss about home, (6) things I love about Lesotho, and (5) things I’ve learned about myself this past year.

3 Things I Miss about Home

1. The Fam

This one really goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. I love my family and even though I talk with them all the time via WhatsApp, it’s not easy being a couple thousand miles away. It’s hard being away for holidays, which are pretty great excuses for the entire family to get together. (Which they still do without me… it’s like life goes on even when I’m not there?? Crazy.) I’m able to talk to them on WhatsApp with ease, but it’s not the same as being around and seeing them in person.

2. My ‘Ordinary Person’ Status

            Since I am white, my appearance is particularly noticeable in Lesotho, and many Basotho do not get the chance to interact with foreigners much. So, there is a lot of staring (especially by children), and a lot of random strangers who go out of their way to talk with me. Sometimes it’s nice to talk to random people about what I’m doing here, and I get to talk to them about their lives. But sometimes I feel like a celebrity when I don’t really deserve that kind of attention. If only they knew I’m not all that interesting! Sometimes I miss just being able to blend in to the crowd, to not be particularly noticeable. If I’m in a bad mood, the staring can become really agitating, but I always have to remember that I chose to be here, and have to accept the good and the bad. My personal discomfort is not really important compared to larger problems which exist in Lesotho.

3. Miscellaneous Foods

            This one is pretty obvious for anyone that knows me. There’s no sushi in a landlocked country. While I’ve been able to be pretty creative with food in my own house, I do miss going out to eat. I also miss cheese. Without a fridge or freezer, it’s pretty hard to keep dairy. Which also means no iced coffees for me! Particularly sad during the summer. When I get the chance to go to Maseru, it’s always a treat because there’s plenty of places to eat out there, and even iced coffee. There’s a Chinese restaurant in Maseru that I’ve just discovered! But of course… no sushi.

6 Things I Love about Lesotho

1. Everyone is Family

            One amazing thing about Lesotho is that, although it has a population of about 2 million people, it is an unbelievably small country. It seems that everywhere I go, I run into someone who knows me or another Peace Corps Volunteer. Once I got a hitch (don’t freak out, it’s culturally normal here) from a guy who manages ATMs while I was in Quthing (south Lesotho). The very next day, another volunteer, a friend of mine who lives in the north of Lesotho got a hitch with that same guy! I mean. What are the odds? Because everyone knows everyone, there’s no hiding. It also means that everyone is connected, everyone is family. Which means if you need something, everyone around you will make it happen. If one of us fails, we all do. It’s something I can’t put into words well because it’s a feeling. It’s in the air, it’s all around us in Lesotho.

I have had three host families during my time in Lesotho. The two host mothers that I no longer live with call me every so often to check in on me. If that’s not the definition of family, I don’t know what is!

2. Lithaba- Mountains

            You’ve all seen the pictures, I live in a lush green mountainous kingdom! There’s no “African desert” here, there’s no perpetual summer. Lesotho is home to hundreds of species of flora and you can see it everywhere you look. The stars at night shine with such brilliance, it’s never too dark. I’m not sure this view will ever get old.

3. Counterparts who inspire me

            I’ve had the privilege to work on projects with some absolutely amazing people. I even get to come to the clinic most days and be with my awesome co-workers who work as data clerks, HIV counselors, TB Screeners, and cleaners, who have shown me nothing but kindness (and occasionally make fun of me for not knowing a cultural norm). The best thing about working with these amazing humans is that they are SO PATIENT. They help me with Sesotho, they explain why lithaba (mountains) and litaba (news) are actually pronounced different, they remind me that ke nahana means “I think” every time I forget. Not just that, but they go out of their way to work on projects with me. My best friend in my village, Tabitha (Tab-ee-tah), has worked her butt off getting kids to come to our upcoming youth leadership camp. On top of her normal work schedule as an HIV counselor (which is called a lay counselor), she helps me with our youth leadership club, mobilizing youth, assisting with lesson plans. She encourages me to keep going when none of the kids show up to a meeting. She is passionate, and I couldn’t do anything without her and others like her.  

4. “In Africa, We Share”

I have heard this phrase more times than I can count in my 365 days living in Lesotho. Once, I was sitting on a taxi on a super hot day waiting for it to fill, and a woman bought clementines for me and her other neighbor with no other explanation other than “in Africa, we share.” I’ve also been shamed at work for not sharing my lunch because “in Africa, we share ausi Thuto.” But it goes back to that same understanding that here, we are all family, here, we share everything we have. It’s something that’s been hard for me to incorporate into my everyday life, because in America, we are so individualistic, and it’s definitely been hard for me to move past that. But I am glad to experience this communal way of life, and I hope I can take some of this back to the US with me next year.

5. It’s Challenged Me

            Being the only lekhoa (white person) in an area can be difficult for many reasons. Other than the staring, many people may expect me to give them something, or to teach them, or to help them with something despite a lack of understanding of my limitations. It’s important to note, however, that even though I am a minority in terms of race in Lesotho, being white still comes with an unequal amount of privilege. Which I, and other white volunteers must recognize and learn to navigate. Most importantly, we must try by all means to learn how to use this privilege to uplift and empower others. This has indeed been a challenge, but it’s taught me how to set boundaries and stick to them. It’s taught me that I need to keep learning, and recognize my own privileges and how they affect others. I’m hoping I can continue learning about systems of power and how I relate to them throughout my remaining time here, and bring back this learning to the US to uplift and empower marginalized groups back home.

6. I Learn Something New Every Day

            Hear me out. I know that I went to college, I attended school all my life. Still, I don’t feel like I learned something new every day in those settings in the way I learn something new every day here in Lesotho. Regardless of whether I go to the clinic, hang around my house with my community members, or go into town for a Peace Corps event, I know that I’ll experience something or learn something about Lesotho or the people around me that I didn’t know before. People are so willing to share their lives and experiences. They don’t have to know me at all, they’ll just share their life story with a random lekhoa on a taxi. They are willing to teach me Sesotho when I’m struggling, although some are far better teachers than others (yelling Sesotho words at me when I don’t know what the English translation is will not magically yield understanding).

5 Things I’ve Learned About Myself

1. Resilience

            I’ve been able to stay here despite my struggles with site location, despite dealing with the bureaucracy of an American Government Agency, despite sometimes feeling humiliated and frustrated in this culture. Peace Corps teaches you from day one that if you aren’t resilient, you won’t make it. Which I have found to be unequivocally true, and a quality that I share with the rest of my cohort!

2. I Can Ask for Help

            I have learned to ask for help far more often than I did before. I am quick to offer help, but have trouble asking from others. My community has kind of forced me to learn how to accept help because my neighbors will just assist me regardless of whether I ask for it or not. Including the kids! Just the other day, I had to walk to a farther pump to fetch water and I was struggling with both of my buckets. A young girl just jumped in and grabbed a bucket to help me, walked in all the way up to my house, just because she saw me struggling. In the same day, my neighbor offered me some seedlings so I can grow some produce without a second thought. So as much as I would be okay doing the same for others, the amount of generosity that exists without asking for anything in return is more than I could have ever imagined. I know that I can ask anyone for help with anything, because that's just how community works! (Also I've learned that I can carry a bucket on my head for a quarter of a mile which is child's play to Basotho, but pretty darn cool for me!)

3. I’m stronger than I thought

            See: Carrying a bucket on my head for a quarter of a mile.

See: Resillience.

Also I built a couch last week for my house. I mean, I never knew I had the potential to build a couch. But now that I’ve done it, it’s like obviously I had the potential to build a couch. I feel that way about every single thing I’ve done here. I never knew I had the potential to live abroad for a year. Now that I’ve done it, I can’t believe I ever doubted myself in the first place. Let’s go year two!

4. All By Myself

            I have always loved my alone time as much as I’ve loved spending time with others. But now, I know what the difference between feeling isolated and feeling alone are. I can say with certainty that I enjoy being alone and I’ve enjoyed learning new things about myself in this kind of setting. My mom always said that learning to be alone is a really important skill to learn, and I finally understand why. She was right (as usual).

5. Ke thabile (I’m happy)

            I’ll end this blog post here. I can say with certainty that I am so happy. Despite the emotional squiggle, despite the challenges of living in a different culture, I have made some incredible friends, had amazing experiences, and seen that others have the potential to change my life as much as I have the potential to change others. Whatever comes of these next 14 months, whether I make the change I set out to do or not, Lesotho has imprinted herself on me in a way I’ll never shake (not that I want to). I cannot wait to see what this next year has in store for me (and if that mid-service crisis actually happens). I suppose that re tla bona (we shall see)!

Until next time,

Salang hantle!